Australia, and Other Bad Ideas

Meanwhile, as Japan is still afflicted with various crises as a result of its endless natural disasters, Australia continues to be a natural disaster in itself — or, if not a disaster, the world’s most buzzkilliest country behind Uzbekistan — by banning the new Mortal Kombat game and threatening anyone importing it with a maximum $110,000 fine. Part of Australia’s “Because I Said So” crackdown on fun, the ban was the country’s ninety-eighth of the week, following the prohibition of roller skates, key chains, water slides, dancing, and “anything that glitters or shines in any way.”

Said Prime Minister Julia Gillard on Monday, “I have no idea what a ‘Sporty Wombat’ is, but it sounds awesome. Ban it immediately.”

A senator, pictured here announcing Australia's new legislation to the public.

If I can address an entire country via blog post for a second: Seriously, Australia? We stopped trying to ban Mortal Kombat in the early nineties. Keep up with the times, will you? And stop acting like a man ripping another man’s spinal cord through the back of his neck is somehow damaging to your society, when most of you walk into your kitchens every morning and see crap like this:

FINISH HIM

Then again, I guess I can expect nothing more from a country whose citizens are the descendants of criminals excommunicated from the same country that is now giving us: THE 29-YEAR-OLD GRANDMA. Like the 79-year-old grandma, only instead of baking cookies and going to church, she drinks whiskey and sobs over what could have been.

As Tupac Shakur once said: “Fuck the world.” He was truly the Aristotle of his time.

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About Christopher Haygood

Christopher Haygood is an incorrigible punk from the darkest sector of Nowheresville. He is a writer of novels, short stories, articles, screenplays, threats, and fake prescriptions for the unsuspecting elderly. He is not yet infamous.
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One Response to Australia, and Other Bad Ideas

  1. lol I had no idea that things were that bad over there lol. Even mortal combat? XD rofl! Really… And I thougth I was conservative…. haha.

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