Rick and the Unihorn

One day a unicorn was on his smoke break when he said to his friend, a leprechaun, “Why am I called a ‘unicorn’?”

The leprechaun took a puff from his cigarette. “What?”

“Why am I called a ‘unicorn’?” he repeated.

The leprechaun regarded his friend with curiosity. “Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? Because ‘uni-‘ means ‘one,’ and you have one, uh …”

“What? One corn? Why am I not called a ‘unihorn‘?”

“I never thought about that. Huh. Maybe whoever named you was going for irony?”

“What’s ironic about having a horn and calling it a corn? That’s idiotic.”

“I’m just throwing stuff out there. I didn’t name you.”

“Come to think of it,” said the unicorn, “why are you called a ‘leprechaun’? Where the hell did that word come from? Are you a leper?”

The leprechaun looked at his arms. “Dear God I hope not.” He looked up and said, “Do you think I’m a leper?”

“I’m just throwing stuff out there.”

Still examining his skin for rotting patches, the leprechaun said, “We could always look it up online.”

The unicorn held up one leg. “Hooves. Can’t type.”

“How are you holding a cigarette, then?”

“Nevermind that. Why don’t you look it up?”

“I’m afraid if I leave my pot of gold, someone might steal it.”

The unicorn nodded. “Fair point. It wouldn’t be hard to find, considering you keep at the end of a rainbow at all times. Anyway.” The unicorn tossed his cigarette butt on the ground and stamped it with a hoof. “I’ve gotta get back to work now. But hey, call me ‘Unihorn’ from now on. None of this ‘corn’ shit.”

“Okay. And you can call me Rick.”


“Because I always wanted to be called Rick.”

So Rick and the unihorn got back to their day jobs, which involved pretending not to be real. They called each other by their new names for a little while, but eventually it all started to feel forced and so they dropped them.


About Chris Haygood

Chris Haygood is an author of novels, short stories, and screenplays. He lives in one of the darker sectors of the cosmos with his wife, two kids, and 1700 dogs.
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2 Responses to Rick and the Unihorn

  1. Marjolein says:

    Whahha absolutely brilliant! 😀 Nice one!

  2. Jake says:

    Very funny!

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