Lyrics to Today’s Top Music Hits, as Interpreted by Me

“Dancing,” by Insufferable Troll

I love dancing
I love to DANCE
Dancing rocks, yo
Holy shit
You know what
I think guys that I really really love DANCING
At the club
Dancing at the club
Unce unce unce unce unce unce unce unce

“Pretty Drunk Lol,” by Smashley

Last night I went to a party
Damn was I drunk! Lol
Someone was like “Hey Smashley you’re pretty drunk lol”
And I was like, “Hey, I’m pretty when I’m sober too!”
I’m a riot
What did I even do at that party I was drunk at?
Dance, but that’s a given
Dance at the club
Also I broke some shit
God I’m interesting
Oh, I think I kissed a guy for a stick of gum
In most societies that would make me a whore but
I don’t know what was I talking about again lol

“I Dance Better than Insufferable Troll,” by Talkshit McGee

Hey, I know you heard that one bitch who likes dancing, but
I love dancing more than her fat ass
My club’s better than her club
Her club plays music that goes unce unce unce unce unce
That’s old news
Mine goes unza unza unza unza unza

“I Like it that Your Ass is Large,” by Child Support Check-Writer

Damn baby girl
Let me be honest with you right now
I find you sexually appealing
I would love to have sex with you
Let me have sex with you
Let’s copulate
I like it that your ass is large
Because that’s what my reproductive system tells me I like
I’m just relating that information to you, in song
Damn, girl
My mating ritual involves wearing shiny things and strutting around in front of women, sort of like certain species of wild birds
Kick it
Also I really like money
Too bad I spend it all on child support, damn

“Another Song About Dancing,” by Zero Personality

Those sluts know nothing about dancing
I’m the dancing queen
Not the ABBA kind though, that’s gay, but just know that I can really dance
One time I danced for 35 hours straight
Not even joking
Animal Protection had to use elephant tranquilizers on me or I would have danced to death
I’m hardcore
Obviously I have nothing interesting to say, but
Listen to that beat why don’t you
Ounce ounce ounce ounce ounce ounce

“The Latest Fashion in Dance Music,” by DJ Unce

Pants-a pants-a pants-a pants-a pants-a pants-a pants-a
Pasta pasta pasta pasta pasta pasta pasta pasts pasta


About Chris Haygood

Chris Haygood is an author of novels, short stories, and screenplays. He lives in one of the darker sectors of the cosmos with his wife, two kids, and 1700 dogs.
This entry was posted in Miscellaneous Hatred and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Lyrics to Today’s Top Music Hits, as Interpreted by Me

  1. Marjolein says:

    WHAHAHA that was just waaayyyy too funny :D. But you have pretty much nailed it. 😛

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