So, obviously I haven’t been around for a while. So what? Does that mean I turned to a life of crime? No. The point is, don’t believe everything the news media tells you, those shows are just looking for ratings.
I have many reasons for not making updates, which are:
1. I’ve been focusing on writing my second book. One book can only take you so far. Ask anyone who has more than one kid why they decided to have another, and they’ll say something like “Oh, you know, one kid was nice for a while, but then we got bored with its stupid, stupid face. It’s like, ‘God, get a new face, you fugly weirdo.'” It’s a little like that. I’m about 27,000 words into it, and I’ll update more once I get up to about 27,001, which probably won’t be for another month and a half if current trends continue.
2. I’m still writing for other publications, such as the best video game satire website ever. I haven’t written an article for it in a few weeks due to time constraints, but I’m currently working on a couple that will hopefully be up soon. This one and this one and this one and this one are a few of my favorite pieces, so check them out if you’d like to see what occupies my “valuable” time. And hey, check the other writers’ stuff out too, if you’re so inclined. It’s all good. Also, did you know I write game reviews occasionally? Neither did I, but apparently it’s true. Like, here I wrote a review for Rayman Origins, and here I wrote one for Mario Kart 7. And look at that! A Skyrim review. I don’t know when this started happening, but I’ll be sure to update the Publications page soon if I keep witnessing this inexplicable phenomenon.
3. I’m still trying to get some short pieces into publishable shape so I can resume submitting them. By “still trying” I mean, of course, that once every two months I open up some random word documents, fix some clauses, and drink myself to sleep. But I’ll be working on this area of my life a lot more assiduously very soon, and hopefully I’ll be able to update the Publications page with some fiction soon.
4. There are only like nine people reading this. Don’t believe me? Go ahead, ask someone you know if they are currently reading this. Chances are they’ll say no. That proves it. But whatever. You nine people kick ass and you obviously have good taste when it comes to self-serving writer’s blogs.
5. My life of crime has really been I MEAN
So that’s me lately. I do, hand-to-appendix, plan on updating this thing a lot more often, hopefully at least once a week, which I’d like to continue for at least one week. Hey, look! Quota met. See you in August.
Thank you for reading. Here is your reward. Have a great day.