Martin Bashir says what we all think about Sarah Palin, loses job over it

This shit right here. You want to see violations of free speech? They’re nowhere more abundant than in our media, perfectly designed to keep any real talk from reaching the ears of the effortlessly-herded masses.

The story: Sarah Palin, the fungus-brained Alaskan ex-governor who stubbornly retains her semi-relevance by trolling the U.S. into thinking she’s going to run for president someday, is already on record for saying more stupid crap than a thousand Alec Baldwins. So it’s not really a surprise that she recently compared American debt to goddamn slavery. While most people probably rolled their eyes and said, “Okay Sarah, that’s great. You’re soooo going to be president someday,” the comment incensed MSNBC host Martin Bashir to the point that he gave this speech on the air:

“It’ll be like slavery. Given her well-established reputation as a world class idiot, it’s hardly surprising that she should choose to mention slavery in a way that is abominable to anyone who knows anything about its barbaric history. So here’s an example.

One of the most comprehensive first-person accounts of slavery comes from the personal diary of a man called Thomas Thistlewood, who kept copious notes for 39 years. Thistlewood was the son of a tenant farmer who arrived on the island of Jamaica in April 1750, and assumed the position of overseer at a major plantation. What is most shocking about Thistlewood’s diary is not simply the fact that he assumes the right to own and possess other human beings, but is the sheer cruelty and brutality of his regime.

In 1756, he records that “A slave named Darby catched eating canes; had him well flogged and pickled, then made Hector, another slave, s-h-i-t in his mouth.” This became known as Darby’s dose, a punishment invented by Thistlewood that spoke only of the slave owners savagery and inhumanity.

And he mentions a similar incident again in 1756, this time in relation to a man he refers to as Punch. “Flogged Punch well, and then washed and rubbed salt pickle, lime juice and bird pepper; made Negro Joe piss in his eyes and mouth.” I could go on, but you get the point.

When Mrs. Palin invoked slavery, she doesn’t just prove her rank ignorance. She confirms that if anyone truly qualified for a dose of discipline from Thomas Thistlewood, then she would be the outstanding candidate.”

Ouch. That’ll teach Sarah to equate our financial woes to the worst atrocity in human existence. Right? Haha! Of course not. Martin Bashir has since apologized to Palin and resigned from the network.

This is just another case in the baffling trend of people being made to apologize and QUIT THEIR FREAKING JOBS because they hurt someone’s feelings. No, the article doesn’t explicitly state he was forced to do these things, but would you willingly quit your job if you were Martin Bashir? I know if I implied Sarah Palin should be peed on in a speech delivered to the homes of thousands of viewers, it would take no less than an army battalion to get me off my high horse and carry me out of the studio, and even then I would be cheering my own name and carrying a trophy I gave to myself saying “#1 Coolest Badass, and Handsome Too,” and my apology would be somewhere along the lines of “I’m sorry you were ever encouraged to express your foul mind as a child. It has caused us all nothing but intense frustration and involuntary groans. Hey, wanna see my trophy?”

A little immature of Bashir? Maybe. Although I feel it’s just a thought that would cross the mind of any rational human being — I’m probably not the only one who could appreciate at least a little fecal matter reaching the vicinity of Sarah Palin’s mouth, since it might help balance all the shit that is ceaselessly spilling out of it — I concede that the comment might be considered somewhat juvenile in nature. However, there was a time when you weren’t forced to grovel every time you said something immature in an understandable fit of rage just to hold on to your career. This woman, who shouldn’t be let within 100 meters of a podium or TV camera anyway, is allowed to consistently vomit ignorant vitriol onto our already corroded national reputation, and if someone says something awesome like, “Man, what an idiot. Someone should poop on her,” he’s just one more hate-monger from the “lamestream media” and we won’t stop until we see him humiliated and ruined.

We live on a microscopic ball of water and trees in a vast expanse populated with billions of similar balls in a possible multiverse populated with possibly billions of similar expanses. One day the sun is going to blow up and disintegrate our entire solar system and that’s STILL not going to be an important event in the grand scheme of things. So hey, someone called you an idiot and it hurt your feelings? Here’s an idea: cry me a river, build a bridge, and stop wasting my time with your insecure bullshit.

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About Christopher Haygood

Christopher Haygood is an incorrigible punk from the darkest sector of Nowheresville. He is a writer of novels, short stories, articles, screenplays, threats, and fake prescriptions for the unsuspecting elderly. He is not yet infamous.
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