Author Archives: Chris Haygood

About Chris Haygood

Chris Haygood is an author of novels, short stories, and screenplays. He lives in one of the darker sectors of the cosmos with his wife, two kids, and 1700 dogs.

Martin Bashir says what we all think about Sarah Palin, loses job over it

This shit right here. You want to see violations of free speech? They’re nowhere more abundant than in our media, perfectly designed to keep any real talk from reaching the ears of the effortlessly-herded masses. The story: Sarah Palin, the … Continue reading

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Why I’m Broke

Dear I’m broke because I am a grown man whose daily necessary expenditures outweigh a painfully inadequate income. I am not broke because I wanted to put a fucking giant nose in my shower.

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Book, Twitter

I finished my book. Soon I will submit it to Jumpin’ Jimmy’s Publish Barn/Chophouse, and once they accept it you will all know that I am a real writer and not just a guy pretending to write books in order … Continue reading

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Quvenzhane Wallis to the Onion: “Don’t call me a c*nt, sh*td*cks”

After an overwhelming backlash, the Onion released an apology on Monday for a tweet calling 9-year old actress Quvenzhane Wallis, who was nominated for Best Actress at the 85th annual Academy Awards Sunday, a “cunt.” The redress called the tweet … Continue reading

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An update ten months after the one that promised a new update every week

I’m nothing but a dirty liar. Maybe not nothing but a dirty liar. I’m a decent cook, and I get along well with others. I’m nothing but an amiable, fairly kitchen-savvy, no-good dirty liar. Why so long since my last … Continue reading

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Hey, ‘Sup. So, obviously I haven’t been around for a while. So what? Does that mean I turned to a life of crime? No. The point is, don’t believe everything the news media tells you, those shows are just looking … Continue reading

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4 reasons not to participate in NaNoWriMo

National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for the “hip” and “friendless,” is an event spanning the month of November during which would-be writers with ADD prove that they can write 50,000 words before being distracted by their next hobby, usually … Continue reading

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